My feelings

 Long term loneliness, makes everything you come across, be felt with much much higher intensity. All the good things, I feel like I don't deserve, and all the bad things, are my fault.

 Dear Death, if you let me live, my life will be very entertaining for you to witness....

 My place is on the throne of suffering, because noone else wants to deal with that shit

 When I couldn't bear any more pain, I was in my apartment, in Holon, and I let Lilith into my brain. She gave me strength to keep fighting, and that's why I love her so much. She doesn't affect me directly in any way, but she does affect me through the love I got for her.